I can't believe how fast my time here has gone. It seems like yesterday that I left, but all the same I am ready to come home. I am ready to reunite with family and to be able to have a little more independence again. I can't even begin to explain how much I have grown and come to know about myself this semester. I have been stretched, challenged, and brought out of my comfort zone like never before. Before I left, my prayer was that God would completely have His way with me: with my education, with my heart, and with my worldview. That is definitely a dangerous prayer, I can assure you of that. My heart has been overwhelmed by the hurt and division that this part of the world experiences everyday. The prejudice, the hatred. It is incredible frustrating to see. The other day I played tourist and went around to museums including the David Citadel, The Burnt House, The Wohl, and went on the Ramparts Walk of the Old City. One thing had a significant impact on me. As I climbed to the tallest tower of the David Citadel I overlooked the Old City. I could see the Dome of the Rock, I could see the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, and I could see the Synagogues of the Jewish Quarter. Three Domes. Three Religions. Three worlds. Three prejudices. One God. I felt an overwhelming hopelessness. These three have divisions among themselves. Christianity can hardly agree on any one theology. And Jews and Arabs have divisions over religious and secular groups. And then as I look at a map of the world. Jerusalem is pretty much at the center. it is the border, this dichotomy, of Western and Eastern cultures. Everything is here.
Until I have lived here I have never realized the importance of reconciliation and the complex relationships that are in the world today. Everything seems to be a he said she said situation which only adds to the complexities. Then it grows into people taking sides which just leads to more resentment, more hatred. It is an incredibly vicious cycle and it all stems back to nothing but the fall of man. In our depravity we, for lack of a better phrase, suck at life. Throughout history we make huge mistakes by covering them up with bigger mistakes, then we elevate some cultures/people groups to the idea of infallible which creates more mistakes, more division, more prejudice, more hatred. The idea of us and them. It makes me sick to my stomach. literally.
one thing I can trust in... the only thing... is that God truly is sovereign. He is the one that holds the world together. One of the books that I read this semester was about how God aches for us to trust Him. He sees us making these mistakes, getting hurt and hurting others, and trying to fix it in our own infallibility and I can't help but feel that His heart just breaks. An image that keeps coming to my mind is the idea of a child - a prodigal son if you will - your child leaves and does horribly destructive things to themselves, your other children, and others outside of your family. You look upon them with the hope of reconciliation. You ache for them to come back to you so that you could help them change. You watch them slowly destroy their self image, their hope of returning to you. How would you feel as that parent? The child longs for your tender words of encouragement, but is afraid of returning because of being reprimanded. They wish so badly for you to help them. Now take those feelings that you have and multiply them by infinity. That is how much God aches over our reliance on Him. Our reliance for fulfillment in Him, for reconciliation with Him and others, our everything in Him.
Being here has given me such powerful image of what God is like with that prodigal child. Sometimes it takes being taken to a place where one can observe the complicated division and religious mindset in order to understand how simple it is. God aches for us. We try to fill our holes with things that do not satiate. God can fill that and wants to desperately. Let Him.
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